


Shotgun Honeymoon

by mithrel



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Blanket Permission, Established Relationship, Filming, First Time, Other, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-11
Updated: 2011-10-11
Packaged: 2017-10-24 12:59:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/263731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Go through alien customs, end up on a reality show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shotgun Honeymoon

So they end up in trouble on a strange planet. _Again._ Amy’s long since used to it by now, but Rory’s hyperventilating.

“Alien fish, black holes, shape-changing worms, anything but this!” he moans.

“You wanted to marry me anyway, didn’t you?” Amy asks, tired of his whinging.

“You. Not _him._ ” And Rory jerks a thumb at the Doctor, who’s busy pacing back and forth, muttering, “I can’t _believe_ they impounded the TARDIS. I mean, customs are great, but there are limits!”

Amy rounds on him. “Why did you bring us here if we had to get married before we can leave?”

“Figured it’d just be you two,” the Doctor says distractedly, running his hands through his hair. “I’m already married here, but it seems I haven’t been here yet. Must have been a misalignment of the temporal transponder…”

Amy tunes out the rest of his babbling. Obviously, she’s on her own.

She puts her hands on Rory’s shoulders, forcing him to look at her. “It’s not that bad.”

“ _Not that bad?!”_ Rory shrieks. “Maybe not for _you,_ I know you fancy him.”

She slaps him across the face. He puts a hand to his cheek, winces, and stares at her.

“Now listen to me, you great oik!” she orders. “We’re not on Earth, are we?”

“No…” Rory says slowly, as if wondering what this obvious fact has to do with anything.

“And no one on Earth knows other planets exist, do they?”

“No…” Rory says again, still not seeing her point. She loves him, but he is a bit dense.

“So they’re not likely to recognize us as married, are they?”

“No,” Rory says, “But–”

“That’s settled then. Doctor!” she calls, “We’re getting married!”

Rory sputters, but agrees in the end, since it’s the only way to get home. The Doctor, of course, is willing to do anything to get the TARDIS back.

Of course then it turns out they have to consummate it. “ _Cons_ –” Rory shrieks, looking like he’s going to faint.

The minister…priest…alien who’d just married them nods. “All three of you.”

Rory tries to run in the other direction but she grabs the hood of his sweatshirt. “C’mon, let’s consummate it then.”

They’re led to a room that’s quite comfortable. There’s no bed, but there are cushions everywhere, and the floor is some sort of spongy stuff, like a waterbed but more firm.

Amy admits to herself that she’s excited, and not because of Rory, who she’s had sex with before. She feels guilty about that, but not much.

The Doctor plumps down on a cushion. “Alright, let’s do it then!”

Amy’s annoyed by his attitude, but Rory seems to agree.

She goes over to Rory first, since he’ll sulk if she doesn’t. She kisses him deeply, and after a moment he responds. They’ve done this much in front of the Doctor before, but when she tugs at his sweatshirt he pulls away. “How do they know we’ve, we’ve…” he trails off.

“Video cameras,” the Doctor says pointing at a spot in the wall, “They find it quite entertaining.”

Rory jumps away like he’s been shocked. “I’m _not_ starring in an alien porn!”

She gives up on Rory and goes to the Doctor, kissing him. He looks surprised, but gets the idea readily enough. Rory growls and hauls her away from him. Amy smiles to herself. She can always count on his jealousy.

Rory pulls her shirt off, and she feels someone clumsily trying to unhook her bra. Surprised, she looks over her shoulder to see the Doctor, muttering again. She doesn’t know the language, but the intent is clear. She smiles again, pulls away and does it herself.

Things get a bit muddled after that. There’s a lot of mouths and tongues, and hands, and at one point someone finds flavored lube, and at another point Rory and the Doctor make out like bunnies on Viagra…

In the end, they get off the planet. Maybe there were better ways, but none quite as fun.


End file.
